Your Soul is mine....


chakky's picture

chakky - Posted on 16 June 2007

Your soul is mine, God foretold,
On loan I have given to you oh Animal!
When the time cometh, I ask thee to return..
Then you will go back to the earth you came from ...

After three and half months of careful care, special vitamins, litres of milk, lots of love and fun filled moments, Caesar breathed his last...

For the past one hour, bile had been flowing from his limbless tongue, breathing in deep gulps like suffocated, Caesar lay paralysed on the porch..
caesar: Caesar when I brought him home...caesar: Caesar when I brought him home...<
Tears welled in my eyes as I administered him teaspoons of milk with painkillers and neurobion squashed in it.. its not fair I thought for him to be taken so soon..

Suddenly the dog shivered, suddenly it started kicking its hindlegs and the tongue grew strong enough for him to take it back into his mouth. For a moment hope filled in me, the Vet's injection was taking effect. I willed it to live but I felt the sorrow seeing so much suffering. Then it happened, the dog vomitted, took a deep breath and then stopped breathing forever....

I dont know what went through me at that moment.. Unlike any death I have seen before this death was too cruel... my sweet puppy of just five months old had been hit by a car. He died such a painful death, for a moment I realized what pain it would be to watch it happen.... how helpless it can make you feel..

Caesar was a alsatian puppy that my aunt gifted to me as she could not take care of it. I took it gleefully with all assurances that I would take care of him with utmost care. Finding his hind legs wobbly and seeing him have bouts of fits, I took him to a vet who realized he has a genetic disorder which would stabilize when he grows older but he would never be free from it.. I didnt mind, I guess I was used to seeing him move around my house sometimes like in drunken stupor at other times all energetic. He was a scared puppy who hated the worst to climb steps. With bottles of calcium syrup, strips of neuro bion, eggs & milk, I fed him well enough that in three months he became more energetic and had reached above my knee level. I was happy as we spent more time playing together and though due to his bouts of fits occassionally, he was a little on the slow side to learn things or even listen. Its when I bring food that the dog would even look at me happily...

It was 3 am, June 15th I just got back from office and as usual I went to untie him and let him play with Ruby my first dog for years a local breed. As I stood in the wee hours of the morning playing with them, all the tiredness of the scoldings during the meetings, all other issues melted away and it felt nice seeing those two dogs play around..

Around 8am my mom came rushing waking me, “ Lijoe, caesar was loose and someone opened the gate, it seems he is running around vehicles!! Go get him, she was worried..”

I didnt know what struck me, but I was very fearful.. Caesar had a penchant to run behind rolling wheels.. I realized that once before and I was lucky to have got him alive then.. but this time dread filled me.

As I got out on the street, I saw the neighbours all outside and they all looked at me saying sorry Lijoe, the car hit the dog.. I had no voice.. I had nothing to say. I went to see him lying still on the road side..

I saw a slight breath, and I hoped it suddenly that it was nothing serious but a fits seizure again.. I saw a autorickshaw and it was luckily my friend.. Together we went to the nearest vet, who saw his stiff legs and told me it was brain injury..:( I felt sad and was losing hope when I told him he used to have fits of seizure. The doctor suggested to inject him and said maybe it would help. I ran for the medicines to the nearest medical store, got it and the doctor injected him.

Suddenly the dazed eyes seemed to focus, his breathing picked up and I hoped he would survive. Though the doctor said it was a slim hope, I kept hoping and brought him home to follow the rest of the instructions....

The lives we value, when they lie helplessly dying in front of us.. only then do we realize the value of life.. the pain and suffering that it encountered I can still visualize, I can still feel, I can still hear the labored breath, the sudden contractions and the end..

As I dug a deep hole and buried him, I suddenly realized how close he was to me.. How much he mattered despite what illness he had but life has to go on.. God has ordered his soul to return and nothing can be done about it.. But for a moment I wished it happened a little less painfully, a little faster so that he would not have suffered so much....

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amazing what can be endured in our lifetime.

wow-good post... Thank you..

david
download reiki

Hey,
Great post. I kinda stumbled upon your blog and now I've added it to my bookmarks. Interesting stuff.
Best,
Jeff

Williamsville NY plastic surgeon

I am totally moved by reading the story and I am really very sory for the dog who had to suffer that much and nobody could actually help it.

I am really sorry to hear about the sad demise of your dog. The poem written in the beginning of the blog is heart touching. May your dog's soul R.I.P.

I am very sorry to hear about your dog.I also like dogs very much .And after reading your blog ,I felt how much pain you would be felt that time when you find yourself unable to help your dog.May God gives peace to your dog soul.

this post make the people animal lover very sensetive thanks for the sharing this post......

You actually made me cry as I regard about Caeser's condition.
I could remember my dog named Bully. I remember the moment when he was suffering to much pain on his stomach that leads to his death. I have really seen his death cos I was staring at him trying to help but I know I can't. As he had he's last breath my tears really fell and It was a 1 week recovery from the pain I felt when my favorite dog died...

I can't express how sorry i am to hear about Caesar. I'm sure he loved you dearly for caring so much. I'm very much moved by your emotions.

Usually I do not like dogs but after reading and watching the picture, I have full sympathies for Caeser.

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