Your Soul is mine....

Your soul is mine, God foretold,
On loan I have given to you oh Animal!
When the time cometh, I ask thee to return..
Then you will go back to the earth you came from ...

After three and half months of careful care, special vitamins, litres of milk, lots of love and fun filled moments, Caesar breathed his last...

For the past one hour, bile had been flowing from his limbless tongue, breathing in deep gulps like suffocated, Caesar lay paralysed on the porch..
caesar: Caesar when I brought him home...<
Tears welled in my eyes as I administered him teaspoons of milk with painkillers and neurobion squashed in it.. its not fair I thought for him to be taken so soon..

Suddenly the dog shivered, suddenly it started kicking its hindlegs and the tongue grew strong enough for him to take it back into his mouth. For a moment hope filled in me, the Vet's injection was taking effect. I willed it to live but I felt the sorrow seeing so much suffering. Then it happened, the dog vomitted, took a deep breath and then stopped breathing forever....

I dont know what went through me at that moment.. Unlike any death I have seen before this death was too cruel... my sweet puppy of just five months old had been hit by a car. He died such a painful death, for a moment I realized what pain it would be to watch it happen.... how helpless it can make you feel..

Caesar was a alsatian puppy that my aunt gifted to me as she could not take care of it. I took it gleefully with all assurances that I would take care of him with utmost care. Finding his hind legs wobbly and seeing him have bouts of fits, I took him to a vet who realized he has a genetic disorder which would stabilize when he grows older but he would never be free from it.. I didnt mind, I guess I was used to seeing him move around my house sometimes like in drunken stupor at other times all energetic. He was a scared puppy who hated the worst to climb steps. With bottles of calcium syrup, strips of neuro bion, eggs & milk, I fed him well enough that in three months he became more energetic and had reached above my knee level. I was happy as we spent more time playing together and though due to his bouts of fits occassionally, he was a little on the slow side to learn things or even listen. Its when I bring food that the dog would even look at me happily...

It was 3 am, June 15th I just got back from office and as usual I went to untie him and let him play with Ruby my first dog for years a local breed. As I stood in the wee hours of the morning playing with them, all the tiredness of the scoldings during the meetings, all other issues melted away and it felt nice seeing those two dogs play around..

Around 8am my mom came rushing waking me, “ Lijoe, caesar was loose and someone opened the gate, it seems he is running around vehicles!! Go get him, she was worried..”

I didnt know what struck me, but I was very fearful.. Caesar had a penchant to run behind rolling wheels.. I realized that once before and I was lucky to have got him alive then.. but this time dread filled me.

As I got out on the street, I saw the neighbours all outside and they all looked at me saying sorry Lijoe, the car hit the dog.. I had no voice.. I had nothing to say. I went to see him lying still on the road side..

I saw a slight breath, and I hoped it suddenly that it was nothing serious but a fits seizure again.. I saw a autorickshaw and it was luckily my friend.. Together we went to the nearest vet, who saw his stiff legs and told me it was brain injury..:( I felt sad and was losing hope when I told him he used to have fits of seizure. The doctor suggested to inject him and said maybe it would help. I ran for the medicines to the nearest medical store, got it and the doctor injected him.

Suddenly the dazed eyes seemed to focus, his breathing picked up and I hoped he would survive. Though the doctor said it was a slim hope, I kept hoping and brought him home to follow the rest of the instructions....

The lives we value, when they lie helplessly dying in front of us.. only then do we realize the value of life.. the pain and suffering that it encountered I can still visualize, I can still feel, I can still hear the labored breath, the sudden contractions and the end..

As I dug a deep hole and buried him, I suddenly realized how close he was to me.. How much he mattered despite what illness he had but life has to go on.. God has ordered his soul to return and nothing can be done about it.. But for a moment I wished it happened a little less painfully, a little faster so that he would not have suffered so much....