chaks's picture

As the doors of loneliness crept by,
Not of companionship, Not of camaraderie,
But a loneliness that creeps in when ,
You know your needed only for a purpose..
You go with groups, trying to belong,
To forget the pain of loneliness..
but the harder you struggle, the more you realize,
You have to be not you, for you to be a part of it today...

Tag along is the feeling inside,
Every group welcomes you, for more the merrier,
But alas when the time is ripe, lonely do you feel,
For you were just then and there at that moment,
For you were not the invited, just the one who barged in..
The good neighbor whom no one wants to offend..

Have you felt pain, but it went on deaf ears,
Have you felt lonely, but it went unseen,
Have you felt sad, but no one noticed..
In their groups they went ..
Some with friends, others with relations..
You became but just an afterthought..
A reminder of the past that everyone just wants to smile of,
Not the one they want to relive today..

Were you worth only that much?
Why do you expect more to come?
For them the past is past..
Why do you try to hold on to memories..
That no one cares about...

I was watching Rocky 4, The movie the other day. Sylvester Stallone maybe too old for the role he plays, but the unassuming character he plays of a man rooted to earth, who trains his student with a passion and feels sad when the person turns back on him..

No one understands the feelings he goes through. Its easy for a friend to judge and say the person he mentored was not worth it. Its easy for his son to jump with joy and tell his father he is right in punching his disciple's light out. But at that moment, the memories he cherishes, the efforts he put, they were never for a purpose more than to give what he got. He had no expectations, but he wanted no remorse...The emotional conflict there, so supressed yet so real it brings the adrenalin pumping. Like as if your hands are tied and your struggling to free yourself knowing time is running out...

I loved the character he played, the inexpressive emotions that goes through his mind, despite him being surrounded by his closest people of today. All that came to give him strength was his coach from his past and the padre. So deep do some people attach themselves to their past. No one else can fathom it..

Every time I watch this movie, I do not feel happy, but a deep melancholy of emotions, for end of the day, I know someday as an old man I too will be like that. Thankful for the present but missing a lot of the past that I should never have let go..

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